A Do It Yourself Guide To Management Techniques

Working in a management position is not too difficult, once you learn the ropes. There are several techniques that, when used correctly, are powerful management tools. People have paid thousands of dollars to learn these techniques from "experts". There are books, classes, workshops; but who has the time and money for that? In addition, these fly in the face of the First Principle Of Management, which is: Never Do Any Actual Work.

Oh, you could learn the methods for free, by simply watching your boss, and your boss's bosses, but that could take years. Also, many of the principles of management are based upon subversion which again, when used correctly, would preclude learning through mere observation. Many suspect that stupidity plays a role in that. Not true! The appearance of chaos has been brilliantly placed within the system. A lack of any discernible pattern of thought or action, shields this time honored system from the eyes of the unwashed masses, thus insuring that an "underling" will not easily become an "overling".

The chain of command is the single most important weapon in the arsenal of an effective manager. This is particularly true if you are in the lower, or middle echelon of the management scheme. You are the first line of communication between the workers, and upper management. All problems and potential solutions are to be brought to your attention. This way, nobody needs to know that it was not you who noticed the issue, and corrected it.

Here's the scenario: You (the lowly worker) notice a problem that may be costing the company thousands of dollars daily. Your supervisor is far too busy to deal with it at the moment (watching re-runs of Roseanne on his computer). Someone needs to know about this issue, so you jump to the next "link" in the chain. You point out the issue, and offer a simple, yet ingenious solution. The issue is addressed, you are heaped with praise, and maybe even given a bonus. Everyone is happy, right?

Not so fast. Here is the other side of that same scenario: You (the valuable, overworked management team member) have been chained to you desk all week. You have slaved over flow charts, progress reports, sales order reports, etc. You are taking a well deserved breather (Roseanne is on! Yay!), when some pinhead from the shop-floor pokes his head in with yet another "problem". You give him a well thought out answer. Something along the lines of: "This company has stayed in business for many years without your input, and will continue to do so after I fire you! The real problem seems to be that you are in my office, instead of being out there, doing your job. If you have a problem, feel free to send me an email. On your own time, of course."

Confident that you have addressed this issue, you finish taking your break, and check your email. And there it is. A two word note from the vice president. Not just any two words. These are THE two most fear inducing words in the management world. SEE ME. All caps, no punctuation. Something is about to hit the fan.

Sure enough, you're barely into the office when he launches into his diatribe about attention to detail, wasteful practices, and a slew of other things to which you are not really paying attention. What you are thinking, is that someone has jumped the chain of command. Some over zealous peon has noticed a problem, and gone above your head to take credit that is rightly yours! Obviously, you would have noticed the problem, had you not been sooo busy fixing other peoples' mistakes. This (soon to be ex) employee is going to pay, dearly.

The chain of command is there for you to exploit. But, to do so, you must rule with an iron fist. A fearful employee is an obedient employee. If you keep chain-jumpers in check, you will successfully receive credit for all suggestions, solutions etc, regardless of whose they were, originally.

You must know the strengths and weaknesses of your employees, in order to utilize your workforce to its fullest potential. This keeps production flowing smoothly, and seamlessly.The most effective way to achieve this, is by selecting employees at random, and stalking them. Learn their habits, and take plenty of photos. These may be used at a later date, for the purpose of keeping them in line.

It is also wise to keep a short list of your most annoying employees. This list should also include those who have recently ticked you off, anyone who is regarded as a free thinker, above average intelligence, or is otherwise a threat to your position. By doing this, you have a handy "go-to" list, when an unpleasant task arises (or if you are in a bad mood, and decide to invent an unpleasant task). Obviously, people who routinely jump the aforementioned chain of command should top this list.

Delegating is a time saving measure, that will free up some of your valuable time for other endeavors. Without giving up any actual authority, you can easily pass off some of your more tedious duties to subordinates (taking full credit for any positive results, of course). You may be amazed by their enthusiasm, at the very thought of being helpful. It also doesn't hurt if you mention that they are being considered for a promotion.

For the sake of morale, it is also important to reward a job well done. A simple "Thank you", will usually suffice. But if you are feeling particularly generous, you can also let them know that they didn't screw things up nearly as much as you expected. High praise indeed, from their respected leader.

Never leave your office without some kind of paperwork. Even if it's blank paper from your printer. This gives you something to repeatedly glance at while you walk, thus giving the appearance of being entirely too busy to deal with anything else.

If you don't have any paper, don't despair. Walking at a quick pace will give the impression that you are on your way to a meeting, or some destination of equal importance. A worried, or angry look on you face will go a long way toward conveying the idea that you are to be given a wide berth.

That pretty well covers the essential skills for success in an entry level management position. If you manage to achieve proficiency in these areas, the skills required to achieve true managerial greatness will become apparent, with time.

Now that I have lifted the shroud of mystery for you, I suspect that you will be better able to glean knowledge through observation of those in upper management. As you progress through the ranks, you may find that the principles are the same.

The truth is, these skills may be regarded as a river that flows through all levels of management. The more advanced techniques used at higher levels are tributaries, and you, my friend, have been given a canoe with which to explore.

Off you go, on your job search! Have fun, and remember this final rule: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried!