A Jackalope's Revenge

The great bear and rabbit joke, as told by Eddie Murphy, quickly became a classic. The unfortunate thing is that it was a true story. Eddie changed the names a bit, though. It actually involved a big, stupid bear, and a Jackalope. Ok... it was me, if you must know. If you are not familiar with this so called joke, leave a request in the comments section. I'll clean it up a bit; and recount this embarrassing, juvenile joke that was perpetrated on me. It should suffice to say that this was a humiliating event in my life.

I will also note, that Jackalopes have a long memory. I waited many years to exact my revenge. As luck would have it, I got my chance a few weeks ago.

As I was hopping through the woods, on a glorious summer day, I happened upon my old nemesis. Since he was travelling in the same direction as me, I decided to join him. I thought it best to know exactly where he was, at all times.

So, on we went, mostly in silence (he didn't like me, any more than I liked him). At around sunset, we approached a hollow tree, that seemed to be crying out for help. The bear, not nearly as fierce as he looked, sat down, and refused to go another inch. I hopped over to investigate. I found that the pleas were actually emanating from within the trunk. Reaching in, I pulled out a being even more mythical than myself. It was, in fact, a woodspryte! With adorable little wings, and a glittery aura, she lit the dusky clearing in which we had stopped.

The bear, now more curious than afraid, ventured in for a closer look. He said "Hey! You're like a Genie or sumpn, right!?"

A little perturbed at being mistaken for a Genie, she replied "I am a woodspryte! And the one who freed me, is entitled to 3 wishes!"

"Oh! How lovely.", I said. "Let me think a minute." The bear protested that he should get the three wishes, since he was the one who chose the path that lead us there. A prolonged argument ensued.

Eventually, the woodspryte grew tired of the debate. "Ok", she said. "Here is what I propose. "Since you both have valid arguments, and I'm anxious to get on with my life, I shall grant each of you 3 wishes. Use them wisely."

Not surprisingly, the bear quickly pushed me out of the way, shouting "Me first!" Curious to see what his mind had dreamed up, I let him go ahead. "For my first wish", he said, "I want to be the sexiest bear alive!"

At that moment, a plot unfolded within my head. I wished for a crash helmet. The bear looked at me, perplexed. Quickly returning his attention to the woodspryte, he said "My next wish, is that all the other bears in the forest were female." Quite pleased with himself, he looked at me, and awaited his turn again. When I wished for a motorcycle, he became visibly annoyed.

"Now you're just bein' stupid!" he growled. "You shoulda just given me all six wishes! I woulda used 'em way better!" I shrugged, and smiled politely.

His turn, again. "Ok, I'm the sexiest bear alive, now. I want every other bear in the world to be female!" The Woodspryte looked at the greedy bear, and simply replied "Done." They both looked at me, waiting to hear my final wish. I put on my shiny new helmet, and started my new bike. The bear was visibly confused, when I began to ride away.

I revelled in the moment, as I rode to a safe distance. Then I turned and shouted, over my shoulder "I wish the bear was gay!", and sped off. I haven't seen him since; but I will never forget the sweet taste of revenge, as I watched his expression change from one of smugness, to abject horror!

The moral of this story is that Jackalopes are smarter than pretty much any other species, and we can hold a grudge for longer than you would expect. I know a lot of you have been saying nasty things about me, on my other hubs. I am taking notes. I am also very patient! So beware. Just to be on the safe side, you might want to stay out of the woods, too!