Asktheuniverse.com Press Release
61How Many Times Has This Happened To You?
Someone tells you that if you need something, anything at all, you need only to ask the universe. If you ask correctly, and believe it will happen, the universe will provide. But it's just so darned much like work! Keeping track of what you asked, how you asked it, when your last request was made. Do you address your request to "Mr. Universe", "Mrs. Universe", "The"?
Or, worse yet, just as you're asking the burning question, one of your biker buddies walks by and overhears the whole thing. He races back to the "clubhouse", and tells Bluto and Scabs that he just heard you asking the universe for some pink bunny slippers. You will never live that one down.
Universal Request Tracking System
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The New And Improved Universe
I recently made a request of the universe and, as a result, have been put in a position to affect change. As the new Master Of The Universe, I have developed the first fully automated Universal Request Generator (URG). The URG is the bedrock upon which I have built the the website that will revolutionize Law Of Attraction transactions in the future.
It is still in BETA testing, and does have some bugs. But the parent corporation, Jackalope Enterprises, is working through these early issues as we speak. In the meantime, I invite you to check it out, and give me your impressions. Simply click here, and make your first request of the infinite and wonderous universe! I do, however, sugest that you read our Terms Of Service, prior to making any request. Violations bring grave consequences!
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LOL! Very creative there Mr. Evilpants. I'm just glad that Santa Claus does not work for the Universe. :P
Mmmm, just have to think what I want to ask for!
You are w ise Toad! Now go and make your wish
Thanks spryte! That's my first attempt at a website. I'm thinking about adding more pages, just to make it fun to play around with.
Cindy, be careful when you wish. There are still some bugs in the system. Wouldn't want you catching a lightning bolt!
A jackalope in charge of the universe? If it was anyone but you, BT, I'd be concerned. But for now, I'll concentrate on hiding from Google Earth.
You'll have to give me a minute to decide what to ask for......
BT...you must expand it! Seriously! I can see you getting all sorts of hit off of something like that. :)
Just click the link up there and ask, LM. And I promise I'll be a benevolent master of the universe. Bwahahaha!!
I already have a few ideas, but I'm also open to requests, Spryte! Drop 'em off here, or shoot me an email.
Oh, I already checked out the site, but I want to make my question a REALLY good one.
By the way, does everyone get to see who asked what???
Dear Mr Evilpants I would like to say thank you as my request to become 15 years younger has been set into motion and is in the process of being delivered by your company sooner or later. My question is can I request a sooner then six month from now delivery? (A gorgeous unattached young hunk is moving in down the road in May).
Yours gratefully
Zsuzsy Bee
You really are a genius! It only took me 3 tries to get my request through...I must have some pretty heavy karma and dogma clogging things up. Anyway, I only have to wait 6 to 9 months, and I only had to pay...um...$29.95 plus $4.99 plus $4.95...ah heck, about 40 bucks!
Absolutely hysterical and brilliant Mr. Evilpants! You do the universe proud! :)
LM, if you want everyone to know what you asked for, I can send Bluto and Scabs around to your place. Those guys are nosy.
Zsuzsy, we at the universe, are considering a rush delivery option. Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive at the moment. Of course, you could always wish for the money for the rush delivery, but you would never afford the rush delivery on that!
Hi Pam! We thank you for your support! Always a pleasure doing business with hubbers! they're so gullib...I mean...nice!
I think I just requested a Hippo for Christmas. What's your return policy and if you don't have one, what do you feed hippos? Nice job BT. Just what I needed to break up the day of stress. Thanks.
No problem, Jim. Just hit the Ask Again link. Glad to break up the monotony.
I get a hippo for christmas...woweeee...oh and so does everyone else...shoot I already began building him a room...and ordered the bed....meanie....LOL...G-Ma :O) Hugs
I am in awe.
Oh, about getting the bugs out. Have you tried a vet?
No, BT. I'd prefer to keep it off the official record....
G-Ma, it may be a good idea to just use the ask again link. Those hippos take up a LOT of room in the hot tub!
Christoph, I'm in awe of your awe! It's kinda tough to get a vet to make a house call way out here in the Kuiper Belt!
LM, too late. If you want it to be kept secret, you'll have to go back and ask the universe for it! Sorry, I don't make the rules. Oh, wait...yes I do!
I'M GETTING A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited - will you be shipping from somewhere - or will you deliver personally.
Acccch and O No! ... Previously, all I had to do was write the thing down and it happened. NOW I must vocalize. How inharmoniously misaligned of the Universe to allow this to be so~ (But, how they read my handwriting, I'll never know.)
By the Antlers of Evilpants, I say Nay, 10 X Nay and Gadzooks. But I must give up and go practice my requests...
***
A woman once prayed aloud on her sidewalk daily for a bag of groceries since she was poor and had no income or way to the food bank. The nextdoor neighbor finally gave her a bag of groceries with the recommendation to shut up. The Universe? you be the judge...
Dear Master. I am intensely interested in your rush delivery service. Any chance that'll be ready to go before my next date?
Iphigenia, an agent of The Universe will deliver your hippo at some point in the future. Be sure to purchase one of our patented request trackers, available in several styles and colors!
Patty, representatives of Jackalope Enterprises LLC attempted to contact you through your Gravy World email account. We desperately wanted your input on the new system. Unfortunately, you were occupied with plumbing issues. Something about the gravy fountain flooding the midway. In any case, your lack of response left us no dhoice but to carry on as we saw fit. Sorry dear, but the wheels of progress roll ever on, you know?
The good news is that The Universe inc is initiating an affiliate program, and you are cordially invited to join! We look forward to giving you the business...I mean...doing business with you!
Shirley, our rush delivery service can be made immediately available to those who can afford it. Like our new website, it still has a few bugs, though. Our auto-pay feature seems to remain active, automatically emptying your account every 24 hours. Of course, that's not a problem for us, if you're game to try it!
Too funny BT! Let me think about what to think about!
Dan, just make sure you go back to the website, and click the Ask Now link. Our old system is no longer accepting requests!
No,no - I was out on the sidewalk, busily accepting delivery of the 3 semitruckloads of merchandise that arrived several days early from *UniverseInc.thewizard*. Never ask for anything unless you mean it, I quess. Now I will start a thriving EBay Store/Shipping Service/Internet Cafe on the Midway as soon as the elephants stop gravy wrestli...I mean, their coffee break.
Wow this is better than my http://dorkage.net/2008/10/sarah-palin-answer-orac (Sarah Palin Answer Oracle) You don't even have to type in the question, it's so smart it knows what you want. And Sarah gave me some doozey signature Sarah Palin answers to life's burning questions.
That's pretty funny, dorkage! I'll bet many people will benefit from Sarah's boundless wisdom. You betcha!
Patty, I hope you got the 17 crates of "I asked The Universe and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirts! Those are going to be a gold mine!
YE$
Very clever and amusing! Loved it!
I worship your shadow.
Well BT, if all the Master wants to do is empty my bank account for me to get what I want, tell him to go ahead. What's he going to do with the 27 cents, anyway?
Well thank you Buddy! That's really all that any self respecting Master Of The Universe could ask. Or is it???
Shirley, if 27 cents is all there is, The Master strongly suggests overdraft insurance...
Oh. Overdraft, you say? Um, well, I've been meaning to get around to that. Meantime, I'm fine with him taking the 27 cents. Please let him know that he can leave my order on the back porch, I don't need to sign for it.
Thanks a lot! Oh, give my regards to The Master!
Can't wait to get my Hippo, I am going to call him Boris and let him bathe in our lake as well as have a very large kennel on the small island on the lake. I think the ducks will accept him :)
O Master of the Universe, thank you for providing everything I need. Oh, wait. I just made a new universe in the LHC. See ya!
LOL! I love it. Now for my request.hmm, that might take some time. I'll be back later.
Shirley, the Master says Hey!
Cindy, I'm sure the hippo will love the lake. Just don't forget to bring him inside for the winter. By the way, how big is your bath tub?
Tom, would you kindly remove the aluminum foil hat? We're having difficulty accessing your credit card info.
Gwendy! Thank you so much! You didn't think you were going to get the last post here, too, did ya?
Yes I did B.T. and I swear this time I will win!
If you're bound and determined to win, I think you know what you have to do...http://asktheuniverse.weebly.com/
LMAO!
I am still in awe of this masterwork. I don't think most people realise the effort and creativity that goes into creating something like this. The website, with it's dedicated link pages and it's forced path is inspired, and at the end, nowhere to go but home. Clever, clever, clever. (That's three "clever's" for those of you keeping track.)
Ah so..you have learned well, jackhopper. Now if you will teach me...
Christoph! You are entirely too kind in your assessment! I had no idea I was doing all that stuff! Maybe I have a future in this newfangled internet thingy, eh? Oh, wait! I'm the new master of the universe. I guess my future is wherever I say it is!
Seriously, thanks for coming by. This jackhopper is humbled by your most generous comment.
Interesting, I'll have to check it out!
I travel the universe, and the multiverse so...I've a lot to ask! =P
lxxy
dude you are the master!
Thanks raiderfan! It's good to know that there are still people in the world, who recognize a supreme being when they see one.
I'm skeert to wish. I bamember that ol' joke about the guy with three wishes...
Hey calfcreek! I always thought that guy shoulda just asked for three more wishes. As long as you're here, have a look around. Seems like I remember writing a hub about a jackalope that was given three wishes.
goldentoad 2 years ago
I bow down to the master!