Chasing Hubnuggets

You may have noticed that we've been having a little trouble hanging onto the HubNugget report lately. During our excursion to Tara last week, we were afraid we had lost it for good. Once we got that report back aboard the Hubbertise, we put it in the Ship's voice activated, password protected, retina scanning vault. Since the ship's vault is also protected by weapons grade lasers and a plasma field, we knew it would be safe.

With the report safely stowed, the next order of business was to cover that cracked mirror. The last thing any of us wanted was another trip through the looking glass to God only knows when.

When the time came to pick the wannabes this week, we didn't want to expose the Nugget report to any undue danger. So rather than take it out and pass it among the team members, we took the precaution of setting the time lock, then entering the vault together and sealing ourselves in with the report. We pulled the wannabes from the report and got out as soon as the time lock opened the door. For the first time in over two months, we had liberated our wannabes with flawless execution and no mishaps.

The only thing we didn't account for was the Hank factor. HubNugget Hank had managed to worm his way back into our good graces and we foolishly let him carry the wannabes to the transporter room to be delivered to Admirals Jason and Maddie (Maddie was recently promoted!) at HNHQ.

Platypi (no relation to Sci-Pi) aren't the most graceful of creatures to begin with. It probably has something to do with the webbed feet. Considering his ongoing love affair with Australian ales, old Hank is a smidgen less graceful than most.

As Hank proudly strutted...

As Hank confidently strolled...

As Hank drunkenly stumbled down the corridor with our Wannabes lovingly cradled within the safety of his duck bill, he veered ever so slightly toward the cracked mirror.

Captain Shirley saw what was about to happen, and sprang into action. She grabbed RedElf by the tail, swinging her wildly toward the plastered platypus, hoping the kitty's claws would grab some pelt so she could drag him away from the mirror. It would have worked, too, had officer RedElf not just returned from the groomer…err…spa, where she had enjoyed a much needed mani-pedi.

RedElf's beautifully painted but now shortened claws missed Hank's fur by a few millimeters, and he tripped over the mirror's canvas drop cloth, pulling it to the ground.

There was a faint whistling sound that quickly grew to a deafening shriek as the mirror gained enough strength to strip Hank of our prized Wannabes. Shirley swung RedElf again, and just managed to hook one of Hank's webbed toes, but it wasn't enough. Hank let go a shriek of his own, as his toe webbing tore from the sheer force of the mirror's pull. He levitated briefly in the middle of the corridor, then hurtled toward the mirror, through the crack, and into the time tunnel; chasing the wannabes through history.

Shirley and RedElf fell to the floor, exhausted. Zsuzsy Bee could only stand there in the corridor, shielding her ears from the awful shrieking sound. It was officer Sci-Pi who acted next.

Patty looked at RedElf and said "Sorry, but the jackalope's tail is just too darned short." RedElf looked perplexed by such an odd statement, but the meaning of it came crashing down on her as Patty grabbed her by the tail, just as Shirley had done moments ago. She twirled the cat around a few times to get a little momentum going, then took a swing at the canvas that had puddled on the floor near the mirror. In one smooth motion she gave RedElf a quick upward flip, and the canvas fluttered through the air and settled on the mirror. Mission accomplished. Officer RedElf was a little indignant, but none the worse for wear.

As the HubNugget team tried to figure out their next move, the mirror began to rattle. Ripplemaker was just coming out of the galley with a sandwich when she noticed us all on the floor, sweating profusely.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing toward the bottom of the mirror.

I inched closer and saw a pair of shoes poking out from under the tarp. I slowly lifted the canvas and and Edgar Allen Poe gingerly stepped out, holding a raven…and 6 HubNugget Wannabes! He gravely uttered the following words, then disappeared back into the mirror:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious Hub from Nugget lore,
While I tried to vote there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis Nugget time," I muttered, "go read and vote like me and and others"
Only this, and nothing more.

We were charged with excitement at the very idea of visit from Edgar Allen Poe. As we sat there stammering, searching for words, the mirror began to shake and rattle again. It was Ripplemaker who lifted the shroud this time. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief when Robert Frost handed her 6 more Wannabes. He leaned close and whispered in her ear.

"Whose hubs these are I think I know,

Their home is with team HubNugget, though.

They will not see me stopping here to cast my vote before I go."

And with that he was gone, as quickly as he had appeared.

Before we could even comprehend the meaning of this second visit, the mirror shook a third time, and this time there were some odd looking shoes peeking from under the canvas. Standing in those shoes was none other than William Shakespeare, although he told me to just call him Bill. He also had our final 6 wannabes with him.

Bill was an odd sort, and he spoke in a funny way. He had this to say before he turned and leaped through the crack:

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous writers,

Or to take arms against a sea of spam by joining HubPages,

And by opposing end them?"

For the record, old Bill recommended joining HubPages and Voting for your favorite HubNuggets every week. Smart guy, that Shakespeare.

Well that's it for this week. We still don't know what became of Hank. Maybe he's out there in the river of time, rubbing elbows with famous writers and poets, or maybe found a black hole and met his end. Time will tell, I guess. But we do know that, now that the wannabes are safely ensconced in their rightful place, they should put this affair behind them and go about the business of promoting their hubs. And the rest of you should read, vote and promote too! It's what Hank would have wanted.