You Want Me To Shave My What!?
What Is The Measure Of A Man?
Is it his generosity? Compassion? Sensitivity? Hell no! Throughout history, the ability to grow a full, luxurious beard has been the mark of a man's man. A manly man, nay, a macho man! Maybe it's the relationship between testosterone and facial hair, or possibly a throwback to our Neanderthal brethren, but some guys just believe that the beard (or moustache) is what makes the man.
Facial Hair And Celebrities
In many cases, facial hair can serve as a trademark. Where would the always effervescent Billy Mays be without his beard? I'll tell you where. He would be just another two-bit pitch man, trying to make a buck selling crap on tv. Ok, maybe that was a bad example. Perhaps I should just move along.
What about Tom Selleck? Everybody knows him, right? Who remembers the public outcry when he shaved his trademark moustache? Wasn't that also about the time that he fell into relative obscurity? I heard he was even turned away at the big hollywood parties because nobody knew who the Hell he was. I don't think he'll be looking into laser hair removal any time soon.
Super Mario or Honest Abe without facial hair? SACRILEGE!
I'm pretty sure Billy Gibbons's super powers are contained within that awesome beard. On a related note, his partner's name was Frank Beard. Coincidence? I think not.
Guess Who.
Need More Evidence?
For the purposes of this hub, I have undergone several laser hair removal treatments, to further prove my point. Little did I know that my antlers were largely made up of compacted hair, and other keratin based stuff. Alas, the laser took them too.
Ain't I just all kinds of glamorous? And just look at how happy I am to be so clean shaven. Does anyone else feel a draft, or is it just me?
If You're Going To Compete, You May Need These
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Real Men Have Fur
In 1990, in a small town in Germany's Black Forest, an event was held to revitalize worldwide interest in facial growth. The World Beard And Moustache Championship attracted fur-bearing manly men from around the globe. It was so successful, in fact, that it was held again in a neighboring town in 1995. It is now hosted by various countries around the globe, every two years.
This year, I am proud to report that the USA is the host country. On May 23rd, 2009, a display of man-fur such as never before seen, will descend upon Anchorage Alaska, and you can be part of the action. To view the event, general admission is a paltry $20.00 (not including the cost of dragging yourself all the damned way to Alaska). But if you want VIP seating, you'll have to shell out 40 bucks. That will get you right down front, to sit amongst the athletes. But for a real thrill ride, that same $40.00 will get you registered as a contestant, where you can really show off what nature gave ya. The competition will be fierce, though. And if I was a betting man, my money would be on this guy.
Unfortunately, I didn't get my invitation until after the whole laser incident, so I won't be there. But if you are a red blooded fur-bearing American, there's still time to make reservations! For all you non-Americans, there are competitive beard teams in Canada, and all across Europe. And rumor has it that the Australians are even bringing their own band, this year. Sounds like it's going to be a real hootenanny.
Ok, So A Little Light Grooming May Still Be Necessary
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Just Say No
In this new age of metro-sexuals, cosmetic surgery and the enlightened male, I say question authority! Men were meant to look like men, not little boys. Throw down your razor, and free yourself of the shackles that have been placed upon you by society! Bare that hairy chest, display your back hair like the proud caveman that nature made you! Eschew the razor burn, and bits of blood soaked tissue! "In the words of my generation: Let it all hang out, man!"
This Hubmob Hub Brought To You By Jackalope Enterprises DBA Evilpants Productions
Ok, so this didn't answer many questions about hair removal. Why not try one of these other Hubmob hubs?
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Comments
by the picture, we can tell, when you shave it all off, you lose all your sampson strength!
I'm with you, we are meant to have our fur! even toads have fur in all the right places.
Real men have fur? LOL What about women?
UW, we don't even joke about such things!
GT, you got it brother. Keep the faith...I mean fur! Don't worry about the Sampson strength. I have more than enough evil to make up for it.
I never really liked facial hair, but men who have do have a certain wise depth...or they appear to. I read somewhere, maybe a Shakespeare play, that a grown, mature man wears a beard.
Hi Princessa! It has been my experience that women can have it either way. But men can be relentless if they suspect their buddy is shaving his legs or...other stuff.
I do like facial hair on a man, it tickles lol, but not big bushy bears or moustaches
Thanks for commenting, Writer Rider. So you're saying you prefer my "before" picture?
Ha, ha! Please grow your hair back, B.T.! You're damn scary without it! Great take on the topic!
Hi there, Cindy! So I can give you a call when it all grows back?
Christoph! Always a joy to get a comment from you! Don't worry, I'm bathing in Miracle Grow!
I have a few male friends in here who shave or wax their whole body because the sports they practice, it just seems common around here. But I must admit that it is a bit weird going to the beautician for a wax and having a chat with Olivier waiting his turn in the waiting room, not because he is going to have one too but because I didn't want anyone to know that I was having one :)
Sorry BT...but you look like a naked Beaver.....My personal favorite ...but just left that comment on Princessa's latest hub. Good job!
BT! - Try that hair growing secret "gravy" we'ev been developing for the Gravy World Log Flume ride. You know the one - where the whole family comes off the ride in their new guise as werewolves and must proceed to the next ride called Werewolves' Ball."
Swimmers and bodybuilders, Princessa? I guess that's ok then. Most of those guys are big enough to kick my butt, so I won't say anything lol!
R. Blue, I read that comment, and it scored high on the evilometer! I guess there are worse things to look like than a naked beaver!
Thanks for the tip, Patty! I should be back to my old self by bed time.
Once I let my leg hair grow out. It freaked out my Chinese room mate because apparently Chinese women have so little body hair that it's not noticeable. Her english wasn't too great, and she said, "Oh my, I didn't know American girls have.... fur!" I was ROTFLMAO
Maybe I'll take you up on that BT. I had a beautiful red beard years ago. i fear kids would think I'm Santa now tho'. LOL I hate shaving. Nice hub
That's funny, Dorkage! Fur! Are you sure you don't have a little jackalope in you somewhere?
Hey, thanks for coming by, double C! As you can see by my avatar, mine's mostly gray, but there's definitely some white creeping in.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight without my Scooby Doo nightlight thanks to that picture of you after laser hair removal....that's just plain frightening.
Even more frightening than Billy Mays? Gosh, spryte, you really know how to hurt a guy! *sniffle*
Well today the big thing? is bald head, which comes anyway..I like the hairy dude..I don't care about his head??? as long as it is full of love...:O) hugs
I think with or without hair, it would be a fool that didn't have love for G-Ma!
Yes.
Jackalopes should never shave. I didn't realize how strongly I felt on this particular issue until I saw the picture.
But for men, clean shaven or better yet, 5 o'clock shadow. Full beards are too hard to work around and mustaches tickle.
Ok, back to k@ri's Vin Deisel hub....
OMG, sorry B.T. but I cannot fancy a man with a beard, and much though I loved Tom Selleck, I know his moustache would have been a problem for me. Me, yes I shave, but few men want a hairy woman :)
Duly noted, LM. Rest assured that I will never shave again! Say hi to Vin for me.
Hi Cindy! I'd be willing to bet a month's pay that Tom Selleck would shave for you!
I like a woman with a full beard myself.
To each his own, Earnest. To each his own. I just wish you wouldn't have put that image in my head so close to bedtime!
Mmmmm, Tom Selleck, now there's a great thought to go to sleep on, shaved or unshaved :)
Sweet dreams, Cindy!
Personally, there's something about a chest and six-pack abs with fur that really winds my clock. Sigh...
As for Tom Selleck, back before Magnum P.I., he was making big bucks as Chaz cologne's bare-lipped male model. I ran across one of those ads long after MPI came out. TS was good looking in a male mannequin sort of way, but nothing like the hotty he became with the moustache!
Woohoo! Another vote for fur! So, are you gonna head to Alaska to see the big show?
You are to funny!!! I don't mind a mustache but the hairy back and shoulders has got to go, when I see that I want to grab the wax and take it off..lrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppp! Much better lolololo :D
Ok, you just stay over there, AE. Can't you see I've had a rough day? I'm already hairless, and bereft of antlers. I don't need your wax anywhere near me!
Ya! And women should stop shaving too! Well, okay. Not so much. We'll keep shaving what needs shaving, and you guys can go all swiss family robinson. I can dig it!
Finally! A free thinker! A voice of reason! I'm gonna go all Grizzly Adams from here on out!
Love ya baldie...:O) hugs
We have fur-men competitions in Canada? Who knew? I thought men just grew all that hair to keep warm in the winter here.
I'm afraid that I have to concur with the others here, BT. That pic of you after your laser treatments is frightening! Poor Mrs. Evilpants, I'll bet you're sleeping on the couch tonight.
Actually, I like a man with scruff....prrrrrrrrrrr.
prrrrrrrr PRRRRRRR prrrrrrr
LOL, you said it so much better than I did, G-Ma.
I think a little mustache is fine, but a full beard, hmmm, must feel like kissing a big bear. BTW, You would so win the hair contest in Alaska, you cute witty bunny!
oops! didn't mean to leave a comment as a headless cat?! Got caught in the moment with BP's forum. check it out!
hey! what's going on here? I still don't have my head back on?! LOL But you can see it on the forum fine?!
Tom Selleck is probably the only guy who could get away with that mustache and look so perfectly hot. I figure whatever. Have a good play with your facial hair guys. Not a fan of back hair, but ya know, if it's there and I love you, whatever. Earnest looks great in his beard. A guy can really change his image by the way he trims or shaves or doesn't. Great hub B.T. (Please don't shave again. You look awfully cold and naked and homely. You may need a sweater and a scarf, or at the very least some sunscreen until you get those hairs to grow back in.)
What a creative hub!I think a mustache definately is the pride of a guy, I don't mind a bit of stubble as it gives a manly rugged look to a man but it should be neatly trimmed otherwise you may start resembling a grizzly!!
If that's you're picture you really look good with facial hair. The mole is ugly...I guess it depends on the guy as long as they don't look like the missing link between ape and man.
Hey, thanks for all the great comments, guys! So what I'm hearing here, is that I can stop with the laser treatments. Woohoo! Thanks for the input!
@ May: You look just fine from here. Your head seems to be right where it belongs.
Shirley and G-Ma, I'll take all the Prrrrrrr-ing I can get. At my age, I don't hear a lot of that anymore!
Welcome Frieda! I certainly am glad that you can tolerate a little back hair. Us jackalopes are kind of known for that.
gr8archer45, thanks for coming by! The way things are shaping up, your opinion seems to be in the majority.
Writer Rider, my true identity is a closely guarded secret...unless, of course, you are privy my other hubber ID. And yes, I do sport some facial hair!
Very funny!
Thanks!
I have to admit only Tom Selleck could get away with that mustache. Anyone else would like like a star in a bad porn movie if they were seen out and about sporting such a thick, furry caterpillar above their top lip :)
I like my men clean shaven...or very neatly, meticulously groomed. I just get all cringey when I imagine that there could be something like leftovers in that facial hair....*shudder*....or worse. Although...I did at one time have a boyfriend that had this really nicely trimmed moustache and he let me sit on his lap and snip it for him....which was a lot of fun.
Did I mention he was VERY brave too....me & scissors...lap...very brave.
Weird thing for me and male facial hair - I think that it can look good but iI could never snog anyone with a mustache or beard .... hair elsewhere, not a problem.
More fuzz = more fun! Unless you get crabs. :)
its some times seems too
I'm genetically deprived! I can only manage a decent six o'clock shadow but not fur! Never fur! ;C
I don't actually like kissing men with facial hair either, but admit it can look good from a safe distance.
Spryte, I already knew about your distaste for certain types of hair. Bo Bobo told me all about it!
Hi Iphigenia! Umm...what's "snog"? It sounds kinda dirty.
Tom, as you can plainly see from my photo, I am completely crab-free!
Cris! I'm actually kinda jealous. I hate shaving. I have such sensitive, baby soft skin you know?
Hello again, Cindy! What do you consider a safe distance? I guess I should be looking pretty good, from all the way over here in the states, eh?
Great hub! You caught my eye with Billy Mays and you pulled me in with Tom Selleck!! I guess I like my men hairy :D
Hi Janetta! Glad you liked the hub. I see you've only been here for a couple of weeks, so WELCOME! Come back any time!
BT, you are the manliest jackalope in the world -- with or without fur. I hope yours grows back in nice and soft and the same color as before.
That photo makes me wonder: Do they make Chiapets in Jackalope shape? I bet Billy Mays would know. He knows everything about the hottest TV products:-).
BTW, Brad Pitt needs to lose that stupid pencil line above his lip. It make him look like a cheap 1930s gangsta. Oh wait -- maybe that's the objective (?)
Thanks, MM. I haven't been feeling very manly walking around naked. You just can't be all tough and foreboding when you're naked.
Never seen a chialope. I'll ask Billy at the next meeting of the Loyal Order Of Cryptids. You did know he was a shaved bigfoot, right?
BT, how noble of you to go through laser hair removal treatments for the sake of your research in writing this hub. You are a truly dedicated. As frightening as the picture may be, it enhances your evilness, so I think it works highly in your favor! :D
Great job! :)
Pam, are you sure it's the hair cut, and not the expression that enhances my evil? I was a little cranky when that pic was snapped.
A goatee turns me on. Really turns me on. LOL
LOL, I guess I'd be cranky too after being de-furred like that. One minute you're a fuzzy and fairly innocent looking jackalope (which is handy for throwing people off the trail of evil) and the next you're a naked, wrinkled, snarling spawn of satan or at least the spawn of a chubacabra which embraces the very core of evil at its finest hour. :D Either way you win!
Well B.T. an ideal distance for me is "not touching", then no problem with the itching or the bristliness :)
Sheen. Ick ick ick, you like goatee's!!!!!! They are worse than normal facial hair styles, (or I reckon so anyway) :) :) :)
Sheena, thanks for the tip. I'll get right on that!
Pam, you sure are a sweet talker! I'm swooning here! Now that you mention it, I have noticed that people are giving me a wide berth lately. Must be that snarling spawn of Satan mojo. Or would that qualify as juju?
misty,
LMAO, I don't know but the ex-bfsssssssss had one thing in common...goatee. LOL. I don't even know why. And it's very rare that Filipino man has hair on their chest and goodness, it sends me to heaven just knowing that my man has extra. Not the bushy type though, just a little bit. hahahah. I'm getting damn excited talking about this at the moment. Uhmmm...I think the red flag is on the way to visit me.
Oh Cindy! You have cut me to the core! My alter ego is crushed! Remember this guy? http://hubpages.com/profile/rmr
Whoops B.T. Arrrrgggghhhhhh, phew, that's better. Now tell RMR to shave that awful thing off :)
LOL Sheena, have you considered this might be why they are all ex's ???? :):):)
That's just not gonna happen, Cindy. My wife has never seen my upper lip, and she hasn't seen my chin in over 20 years. If I shaved it now, she might mistake me for a burglar.
hahaha. I was actually thinking the same thing while typing the comments. hahahaha. Silly, but yeah it might be. Ex'sss are just pain in the ass. I'll get a clean one next time...if I can help it. In my side of the world we call the ragged looking guys as Dirty Look and the ones with curly big hairs as "Rude Hairs." The clean ones you have to be sure coz they might be your rival in getting Dirty Look's attention. heheheh
Hi RMR!!! Your Wife might really like it if you warn her first. Imagine, if she does your night time activity might be a load more exciting than simply burglary!!!
Good luck Sheena, I am sure you will find a true "Smoothie" sooner or later, and then there is no going back, (well unless Sean Connery comes along free and available) :)
I like a shaved head and a hairy chin. The first time I shaved my head, my girlfriend actually cried. It's ok though, she finally accepted my proposal later. ;)
Frank Beard is the one who doesn't have a beard.
Hi EYEAM. I'm aware of Frank Beard's lack of facial hair, but here's the thing: I am a BIG fan of irony! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
Dude, I scrolled down and saw that rat thing picture of you shaved and almost spewed beer everywhere. Looks like a microwaved version of those RUS's from THe Princess Bride. Damn, that was funny and I didn't see it coming. (And not to beat the Tom Sellek thing to death, but, yeah... he did sort of paint himself into a corner with that look. He sure can't act. He made my eyes bleed in those Friends episodes he was in.)
That rat thing...................geezuz!
Shades, I'm so glad you were able to contain your beer! I would hate to be the cause of a fried keyboard or something (not to mention the wasted beer). Thanks for coming by. Your comments are always funnier than my hubs! I'm glad you have found your way back home.
Jewels, I'm sorry if my visage is somewhat shocking. I see by your reaction, however, that I made my point! Some people just look better with facial hair (or any hair, for that matter). As an aside, do you think I would look less objectionable if I hit the tanning bed?
I love a little growth on the face. It suits some, does not suit others. However a woman has to protect her delicate bits, sometimes a man's beard can be dangerous LMAO
Hi BP! I should point out that it's only dangerous, if the man doesn't know what he's doing!
An improvement perhaps. Have you looked into a wig or maybe your grandmother could knit you a covering of sorts? It must be very hard to go out looking like that.
Oh my B.T.E, well then I have been with those who do not know what they are doing haha
I'm all for a woman with chest hair between her breasts, just so long as its mine.
And blondepoet, I'm afraid that I've forgotten the answer to your concerns; but if you just wait a bit I'm sure that it will come to me, it's right on the tip of my tongue.
BT, I have just one question for you, are those VIP tickets for seats right there on the moustaches?
Oh gwendy! You are soooo bad!
TOF, you and BP just talk amongst yourselves. Please. She scares the bejeebers outa me!
I'm just saying BT, the price might be worth it.
umm, gwen? Did you click the link, and look at the pics? Cuz ya might wanna, before buying those VIP tickets!
Crap i was going to do that but was too interested in the read and forgot when I got in to the end.
Ok, I see what you're talking about, too prickly!!!
In honor of this fine hub, I have shaved your likeness into my ever thickening swath of back/butt hair. It is the best I can do since I don't like tattoos and every time I make a bust out of you from mayo and cat litter the dog attacks it. Fine job
Well funnebone, I have to say that I am honored by your tonsorial effigy. Allow me to return the favor by sending you the phone number of my laser hair removal specialist, and a lifetime supply of mayo and kitty litter.
Cheers, my hirsute friend!
I have a hairy college at work. I believe he would look younger without it. lol. Excellent hub, good fun!
Lol this is hilarious. Personally I like a clean shaven man facial hair tickles too much lol.
I can not stand my man's facial hair bc it bothers my um... sensitive skin. But, I tell him he can keep it however he wants it. I just put up with it bc I want him to look how he feels most comfortable. Great hub! Thoroughly entertaining! Loved the Billy Mays tribute!!!
I think you should do what you want and if you only want the girls to see how good you look that is great and probably what you will get.
Uninvited Writer 3 years ago
Ha, ha. Thanks for the laugh. A great contriibution to this hairy hub mob. I guess Brasilian waxes are out of the question?